In my past love relationships my issues with men were all the same. They were the ones not doing me right. They lied imlie Today Episode when there was no reason to lie. It’s not that they were not into me, they were not into themselves so they projected that unto me. Of course, it was all their issues and had nothing to do with me. Boy was I so off the mark. Little did I know that they were in my life to serve as a mirror to my own issues. But as far as I was concerned if i could not see how beautiful I was in my new outfit that meant that the mirror was cloudy and had poor lighting. These were all the things that i told myself or were told to me not by other women, but by the male friends that i had in my life. Looking back, the male friends who were giving me advice along with the men I was having dramas with were confused individuals who were desperately trying to find their way through all the programming that they had received from society. I’m baffled as to how society is qualified to hand out programming schedules to individuals when society is made of a group of social inept individuals who are all searching for the same thing, love and happiness.
As women we are not given enough credit for our ability to be able to hold our own without having to think like a man. I’m not going to pussyfoot around this. “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, a book by Steve Harvey, is pure garbage. The title alone is the heights of ignorance. Women are running multi-billion dollar corporations, wife, mother, girlfriends, heads of Non-profit organizations, PTA President all at the same time while experiencing violent time of the month issues and you are going to tell those same women that they should still think like a man as long as they acting their proper role of being ladies. How insulting and belittling is that. Please introduce me to the ma imlie Today Episode n who can actually think like a woman, hold his own, and be mature at the same time. Introduce me to the man, who knows himself from the inside out, respects himself and do not need to have a woman dependent on him to make him feel like a man? Ladies, when you do find those men, who by the way are the definition of real men, they do not want you thinking like them. They want and desire for you to have your own thoughts, your own identity and present a mental challenge to them. We have to learn these things on our own regardless of gender.
There is lot of information out there that would have you believe that if you are a woman you should not seek your girlfriend’s advice about a man because your girlfriends will lead you astray. Instead you should seek advice from a man. Women take head, that’s a load of crap. Men will tell you anything they choose especially if they are also interested in you. There’s a term for that kind of behavior. I’ll give you the clean version. It’s called “blocking”. Women, I’m here to tell you, IT’S OKAY TO TALK THINGS OVER WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS! Some of your girlfriends have been in the same position and they can relate to what you are going through.
We as women have been taught so much rubbish that it’s a miracle we have not been collected by the city dump. Men have feelings just like women and some of them if not all have also been through the dramas of relationship so they can also relate too. Some of those men have realized what they did to create their dramas and they have taken responsibility for it. Those are the men you want to get advice from. The same goes for your girlfriends. There are girlfriends who will be envious of you and will give you negative advice the kind we call “hating on you” kind of advice. Take note that i did not say they will be jealous of you. Because if someone is jealous of you that is flattering because they want to be like you, however if their behavior becomes “hating”, catty, bitchy, blocking or plain evil, now they are being envious. Unresolved jealousy turns into envy. We want to avoid that at all cost.
Saying that you are an adult is not enough. You have to feel it, act it and look the part. If you are constantly blaming others for issues in your life then you are not taking responsibility for your role in the situation, therefore, you are not behaving like an adult. Learn to apologize if you realize that you made a mistake or if you caused another pain. Apologizing does not make you weak nor does it negate your response. However, when you can assess a situation and see how you caused hurt or you made a mistake, by apologizing you are now behaving as a mature adult. If you do things just to get a man or a woman to give you more attention meaning you are trying to get her/him to be “all up over you”, you are behaving like a child who is seeking attention from Mommy.
There are times in which we do get into situations that we later regret. However, you are not able to travel back in time and change the action so the feelings of regret are wasted emotions. Now you are more aware, take steps to improve the situation or to get out of it. If you got involved with someone and you now realize that you have nothing in common with this person, now is the time to either work on the relationship or leave and begin creating happiness for yourself. Yes, children maybe involved, but if you are not happy, your partner will not be happy and the children will feel the energy between their parents. Your children will be stronger and happier if you took charge of your happiness. Happy and fulfilled parents, whether together or apart, produce happy and fulfilled children.
Dealing with everyday situations, our ego is one of the sources that influence our responses. When we become conscious of the way our ego works we are now ready to stop participating in our own dramas. Out of all my numerous stories/dramas regarding men, there was one element that i kept on complaining about and noticing. They had huge egos. They were all about their egos. Little did I realize that it was my ego that was noticing their ego. Of course theirs was bigger than mine. The people who are just like us are the ones whom we attract. When i came to that realization, it was if the clouds parted and sunlight finally came into my life. It is not enough to read about it and say, we need to feel it from deep within us. Only then will we begin to see how we created our own dramas and it is only then we will begin to stop participating in our own dramas. It will not happen overnight and boy was I frustrated. God bless the hearts of my girlfriends and guy friends that patiently listened to my dramas. While they may not know how to give me that magical answer that would make everything better, they sure made me feel better. When you feel better you begin to stop being so hard on yourself. If you had known what to do or how to handle that particular situation you would have done it and not be in the situation in the first place. The key now is to use your experience to avoid that same situation in the future. However, rest assured, if you fail to learn the lessons in situations when they occur, they will keep occurring until you start paying attention to your life. In my life the situations were the same but it had different players. Once I began to acknowledge the lessons, the players and situations changed.
The moment of clarity in my life came about when i decided to stop participating in my own drama. It was a huge feeling of relief. I realized that the people who appeared in my life were in response to my own issues. They were also there to help me become more self-aware and to raise my level of consciousness. In the beginning of my love relationships I was not aware of a lot of things, but one thing I had learned and it still holds true to this very day is that the man that I’m involved with is not my therapist. Although he may offer me advice, a listening ear and general support, we are both responsible for our individual personal growth. However, we are both responsible for the overall nurturing, loving and support of the relationship that we share.